May 2013
4 posts
6 tags
United States State Horoscopes
I am currently visiting Atlanta, GA, for the first time, so I decided to do a “US City Horoscopes”, but I figured I should stick to cities I have been to, which aren’t a lot, and most of them are pretty unknown, so instead I decided to do states, and wouldn’t you know, I’ve only been to twelve states! Well, I’m not counting New Jersey (because I only stayed in a hotel there...
3 tags
People I Know Horoscopes
So a lot of times when I write horoscopes, I base them on the general idea of the sign, my experiences with the sign, one person I know of the sign, or make it really arbitrary just because I think it’s funny. So I figure I would let you in on some of what goes on in my head by telling you about my experiences with each sign. (In case you are new to my blog, I am a Pisces…and after...
4 tags
Sexy Beast Horoscopes
My friend Jane was telling me how she is fine going long periods of time without sex, but when she can get it, she needs a lot…like stocking up, “And then I go into hibernation.”
I said, “So your sex life is a bear.”
What kind of animal is your sex life?
Aries – Rabbit. You just go at it. Spreading like wildfire. That’s not always a good thing. Actually, it’s...
5 tags
April 2013
9 posts
4 tags
So...
I was looking up something online, and at first I read a sentence as, “Mercury retrograde is bad for time travel,” and I thought, whoa, guy, we’re getting ahead of ourselves a bit! Then I realized oh, no, I’m dumb. Yes, Mercury retrograde IS a bad time to travel.
4 tags
Haiku Horoscopes
Something for you each to ponder…in the form of a haiku.
Aries – Sometimes friends are great. Sometimes they want to stab you because you’re not great.
Taurus – Sometimes it’s your fault. It takes balls to admit that, but you’re too stubborn.
Gemini – All that you touch does not turn to gold. Sorry to burst your bubble, man.
Cancer – The pendulum...
Anonymous asked: Profanity Horoscopes are so accurate. I had an Aries friend in high school and the only name I'd call him is Dick, because he was. Also, as a Pisces, Scorpio is on point.
6 tags
Profanity Horoscopes
The use of excessive profanity can be an indication that a person is honest.
If you find these horoscopes offensive, well, I’m sure you know I’m going to say you can just fuck off.
But being a Pisces, instead I will say please go fuck yourself.
So which swear word are you?
Aries – Dick. I’m sure you hear this a lot. Because you are one. This shouldn’t...
5 tags
Shakespeare Horoscopes
This week is dedicated to the work of the Bard.
Aries – Julius Caesar. So much backstabbing. Metaphorically and literally. Seriously, so much.
Taurus – Measure for Measure. Um…I read this so long ago. Something with a nun…and there’s sex somewhere….Who am I kidding? There’s always sex somewhere. It’s Billy Shakespeare.
Gemini – Twelfth Night. A...
Anonymous asked: Please let people or yoyr friends or smth from different signs do the same thing kate did it was so cool!!!!?!?!?!? Please please :)
Anonymous asked: What are some signs that an aquarius guy likes you? also, are aquarius guys faithful?
Anonymous asked: If someone has their Venus, Mars, and Mercury in Leo are they more likely to identify as Leo or with Leo traits?
2 tags
Kate's Astrological Opinion Horoscopes
My BFF offered to give her opinion of each sign based on her experiences with the people in her life. She is a Sagittarius through and through. Even her opinions of all of the signs support this.
Aries – “That’s a hard one for me to tackle. I am always so very very attracted to the Aries in my life, even when there are things that I can recognize on a practical level are...
March 2013
10 posts
5 tags
Bunny Rabbit Horoscopes
Happy Easter! Whatever it means to you. For me it is a day off, and I can finally have brunch! So which famous rabbit are you?
Aries – The Energizer Bunny. Because you just keep going and going and going…even though Duracell is far better.
Taurus – Thumper. You were so freaking adorable when you were a wee, fluffy thing. What happened?
Gemini – Roger Rabbit. You are one...
Anonymous asked: Hello abby, do you know that i love your abnormal-called-blog? :D
Well, i need your opinion about Sagittarius sun sign, Virgo moon sign and Aquarius rising. What do you think about it?
Oh yeah, have a nice day :D
Well, i need your opinion about Sagittarius sun sign, Virgo moon sign and Aquarius rising. What do you think about it?
Oh yeah, have a nice day :D
2 tags
One Liner Horoscopes
Aries – Nobody likes to be told they are wrong…especially when they are…especially you.
Taurus – That sandwich you’re eating looks really tasty.
Gemini – Stop being a freaking cock block.
Cancer – How does it feel to end that dry spell?
Leo – Every end is a new beginning.
Virgo – You don’t think you’re being a dick, and that’s the worst...
Anonymous asked: Rising signs most likely to gain fame?
liteddybear asked: from a basic perspective i know Aquarius and Cancer shouldn't get along, but thinking in a more complicated overall way how would they be friends or even be in a relationship?
5 tags
Saint Horoscopes
Happy St. Paddy’s Day! It’s my favourite holiday. I’m going to spend it (well, spent it) chillaxing. That’s what holidays are meant to be. None of that frou frou commercialism and greed. Just wear some green (or orange), eat potatoes (or cabbage), drink some green beer (or Guinness), and be merry (or not, that’s your prerogative)!
The stories of the saints are...
bobthespider asked: when a person's drunk, is there moon sign most likely to come out? :D
3 tags
Teen Movie Horoscopes Part 2
Because I forgot about so many good ones! I should have planned this out better and done them by decade. Oh, well. Welcome to my thought process!
Aries – Superbad. Using alcohol to get laid. What else is new? The penis drawings. He’s right. The best foods are the ones that have a phallic shape.
Taurus – Saved! I love the premise of the teen pregnancy in this movie. Having...
3 tags
Teen Movie Horoscopes
It’s probably going to be really obvious I was a teen in the 90’s.
[EDIT] I can’t believe I left out Mean Girls! I would have given that one to Leo.
[EDIT AGAIN] And I forgot Never Been Kissed??? I’m going to have to make this a two parter. I even left out all the horrible teen horror movies. Fail!
Aries – Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. Bueller exhibits very...
1 tag
February 2013
10 posts
Anonymous asked: Happy happy birthday
Anonymous asked: Happy b-day :O
3 tags
Party Horoscopes
It’s my birthday tomorrow, so I thought, ‘If each sign were a party, what kind of party would each sign be?’ Because I think about such whimsical things.
Aries – Frat Party. No doubt. Jungle juice, drunk underage Freshmen girls who got in no questions asked because otherwise it would be a total sausage fest, and “DUDE!” “BRO!”
Taurus – Dinner Party. So much goes into...
4 tags
Break Up Horoscopes
My friend Alex was dumped on Valentine’s Day, and her misfortune (or perhaps a blessing in disguise. Only time will tell…) has inspired this week’s horoscopes.
Aries – Your break ups are vengeful. If you are the dumper, you kick the person to the curb. If you are are the dumpee, you still manage to kick the person to the curb and then jump right into bed with another.
...
c-rocus asked: You've gotta be my new favorite person on Tumblr and this has got to be my new favorite blog! :)
3 tags
Unlikely BFFs
I have been going through old files from old computers and have found some past Astrology essays I wrote, including the compatibility one from last week. This one was from when I attempted to make an Astrology website a few years ago called “Sage Astrology”. My pseudonym was Clarity Sage. I’m glad it didn’t work out. Abnormal is so much better. Anyway…
We all know...
ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY!
Thank you all for following! Cheers!
2 tags
Horoscope Horoscopes
Tuesday is the one year anniversary of Abnormal Astrology! In celebration of this remarkable event, this week’s horoscopes will be a look back at my favourite horoscopes for each sign.
Aries – Horror Movie Horoscopes. “The Bad-Ass. He is the one who challenges the gods of horror. His death can sometimes even be amusing because everyone saw it coming but him…and his girlfriend who is...
2 tags
How to Find Compatibility in the Stars
“Tell me something about me,” is the most common request I get when people find out I dabble quite a bit with astrology. It is actually a good starting point to break the ice because I always have something to say and almost always it is true. Usually when it is not true it is because the person does not believe in astrology and must prove my knowledge useless and incorrect. To the nonbelievers I...
5 tags
A Softer World Horoscopes
I spent the last week reading every single comic over at A Softer World. It started when a couple of their comics were featured in an article I was reading, and somehow I ended up scrolling through the entire feed. I saved my favourite ones and will now use some of them for this week’s horoscopes. I’ve been posting them on my friends’ facebook time lines, and now you get the...
January 2013
16 posts
Just a few friendly reminders. Starting yesterday the planets are retrograde free, so take advantage until the 17th! I’m starting a new project. Be excited. Maybe I’ll share it with you all.
Also, don’t forget to like Abnormal Astrology on facebook, follow on twitter, and buy some merch from the zazzle shop. All links are on abnormalastrology.com. I’m updating from my...
4 tags
Tumblr Horoscopes
Based on a discussion with my friend Kelley, this week’s horoscopes are based on different themed tumblr blogs.
Aries – Guys with Fries. You know those bathroom mirror cell phone selfies? Also known to my generation as myspace photos? Replace those phones by photoshopping in some fries, and you have a genius blog.
Taurus – Scanwiches. A blog of scanned sandwiches. It...
Anonymous asked: I don't know where you got your horoscope descriptions, but your one for Cancer basically sums me up perfectly, haha :) Nice going! :D
6 tags
Once Upon a Time Horoscopes
Anonymous requested I do Disney horoscopes. I have seen quite a few Disney Princess Astrology things, and there are way too many Disney characters to just do Disney, so I’ve decided to do this week’s horoscopes based on the show Once Upon a Time.
Aries – Hook. Can we just talk about how fine this man is? I mean, seriously. Do more. Rip off your shirt. Something. Come on!
Taurus –...
2 tags
Drunk Horoscopes
[So…I wanted to do Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Horoscopes, but there just aren’t enough main characters for that to happen. Time crunch. No ideas. Back up plan. I wrote these horoscopes when I was drunk once. I do have impeccable typing skills when I am intoxicated. My drunk texts are less lazy than my regular texts. Anyway, here you go. Oh, and take these as a joke…because I...
I answered a question using the app on my phone. I see neither the post on my site nor the question in my inbox. So if said question asker did not receive a private answer, just know your question was not ignored and the answer was brilliant.
ellaluna asked: Your most recent post was really interesting and it explains people that I know SO much! Thank you for sharing that about where you sun sign placement is :) I just had a quick question if it's not too much. My sun sign is in my eighth house what does that mean for me? What is my sense of purpose? Thank you for your time :)
4 tags
When It All Falls Apart
Since this is “Abnormal Astrology”, I think it’s okay for me to divulge that I am…in a dark place at the moment. In order to get my friend to understand, I told her the same way she feels when communication breaks down and she feels stifled and can’t express herself is the same way I feel when my work situation isn’t good. A light bulb went off in that moment, and her big...
Anonymous asked: Ms. Abby I see you've done a post about what kind of dog would be each astrology sign. Ma'am you know there's articles out there on how animals of each sign would behave? I've got a couple pets that kind of match that. Like Cancer is a lover and tends to be plump, Aquarius makes friends with all the other animals it comes across, Geminis are talkative in meowing or barking....
Anonymous asked: sorry, actually hazy question :/ l meant like if something is going to change completely for each sign, I wanted to be more "egoist" and ask about scorpio and cancer signs, but got completely confusing... :)
Anonymous asked: can you tell how 2013 is going to be for the signs?
Anonymous asked: Hey can you say witch sign is every main character in American Horror Story season 1 and 2 please :)?
3 tags
Doggy Style Horoscopes
Me: What kind of dog is Aurora? Roommate: Cocker Spaniel. Why? Are you doing your horoscopes? Me: No, but I have thought about doing dog breed horoscopes. Roommate: You should. Me: I don’t know anything about dogs. Roommate: Read a book! Other Roommate: Wikipedia it!
There are too many dog breeds to just choose 12!!! So I’m just going to go with a general description as if...
2 tags
Merchandising! Merchandising!
I opened up a zazzle shop! So far I have put up tote bags for all of the signs. It is a bit tedious and time consuming because I have to go through a process for every item. I will be adding more stuff, and if there are any zazzle products you would like me to put up specifically (like a case for your particular phone), just let me know!
A bit about the designs. My friend Melanie drew the designs...
Anonymous asked: So most people think its impossible to remain friends with your ex, but I am a fixed fire sign and I refuse to believe that is true :) I am a Leo; moon in pisces, gemeni rising and my ex is a virgo; moon in pisces, sadge rising. my question is, how do i get him back into my life without coming off as clingy, pathetic and generally in denial. I truly don't believe i could go back to him in a...
3 tags
#SingleBecause
I saw the trending hashtag #SingleBecause on twitter and decided to participate, so check out my twitter page for a sort of midweek horoscope!
December 2012
20 posts
3 tags
2013 Horoscopes
A look at the year ahead.
These are some general sweeping statements that apply to everyone. If you want a personalized look at the year ahead, e-mail me at abnormalastrology@gmail.com for details!
Mercury Retrogrades are times where things tend to go wrong. It is advised that you do not make travel plans, sign contracts, or begin large projects during Mercury Retrogrades. One time I took a road...
