This week’s theme: musical instruments!
Taurus – Guitar. When serenading your one true love, what other instrument would you use?
Gemini – Piano. Ebony and ivory. Melody and harmony. Treble and bass. String and percussion. Heart and Soul. Peaches and cream. Potayto and potahto.
Cancer – Flute. Such a dainty instrument creating a beautiful sound. Aah. But let me tell you, it is a bitch holding your arm out to the side like that for long periods of time, so don’t think that playing it is not hard work!
Leo – Saxophone. Courtesy of our awesome, sax-playing, superstar, Leo native, former president. Also, here you go.
Virgo – Clarinet. You’re the safe instrument that kids choose when they have to join band. Easy to carry around. You can blend in with all the other clarinets if you aren’t that good. Or just don’t play at all. It’s pretty easy to look like you’re playing. Stick it in your mouth, tap your fingers around, and look slightly constipated.
Libra – Violin. One of the more romantic instruments. Did you forget your ruler is Venus?
Scorpio – Trumpet. One word: taps.
Sagittarius – Banjo. Super fun instrument that’s good for anyone who is laid back but good with their fingers.
Capricorn – French Horn. Can you think of a snootier instrument? Capricorn is high class, bitch. A high class bitch? Either works.
Aquarius – Synthesizer. 80’s music would not have been what it was without it.
Pisces – Harp. Pretty, classic, complicated. Also, it’s my favourite, so of course I’m going to give it to Pisces.